Ok, if I wasn’t convinced I was going to be single forever, I have officially determined I am going to be. Again, it may be me, I’m not denying that. BUT I think there are more freaks/idiots out there, then there are good men!!! Let’s get into the latest guys I’ve “matched” with online.
Dude Man #1: Extremely good-looking. But was he? Was he really good looking or was it a front to get a nice girl to swipe right? I’m going with the latter. I should know better, he had TWO pictures and one of them was black and white, that should automatically be a NO, clearly he’s hiding something or being a bit suspicious. Anyway, I stupidly gave him a shot and initiated conversation.
Naive Female (Me): “Hey? How was your weekend.”
DM1: “Awesome, went to Hoopla”
Naive Female (Me): “Oh wow, I ended up there accidentally, not knowing the festival was going on, but just wanting a beer up in Charlottesville.”
DM1: “Oh yeah, we could’ve hooked up.”
Naive Female (Me): “What?” (said very naively but giving DM1 an opportunity to clear his name)
DM1: “We could’ve hung out, had a beer.”
Naive Female (Me): “Oh right.”
DM1: “You can come have a beer with me now” (This is on Monday, granted I was off work, but kinda weird considering the little bit of convo and lack of any ‘get-to-know-you’ kind of questions)
Naive Female (Me): “No, I have a friend in town.”
DM1: “You can bring her”
Naive Female (Me): “Thanks, but she’s not feeling well.”
DM1: “Oh well, would you be interested in a threesome? If not with her, with someone else?”
DM1 I gotta appreciate your candor/openness, but you picked the WRONG GIRL. Sorry Dude Man #1 – DELETE!!!
Dude Man #2: Immediately starts telling me how he never wants to get married. WHOA?!?! Dude, I just asked how your week has been going. He starts telling me that women are only out to get men for their money and he’s not going to give all his money to a woman. I asked if he wanted kids, he said “of course, but I’m not going to get married to have the kids” we will live separately and I’m not going to give child support. WOW – this guy sounds like a STAND UP GUY!!! 🤦🏼♀️ However, I was curious of his logic at this point and asked “are your parents still married?” He responds with “Yes, they’ve been married for almost 50 years now.” My response “Well then why do you think that women are only out to get money, don’t you think women make their own money?” He said he’s had a lot of friends that have been screwed. My thoughts: a) you’re friends are idiots for not seeing it in advance, and/or b) there’s more to the story and you’re a bit jaded. Regardless, DELETE, doesn’t need any more of my time!!! Good luck Dude Man #2.
Dude Man #3: The short version of this guy is he kept telling me how he can be a “bad boy”, but he’s looking for a relationship. After dodging many of the comments, I finally had to say something “If you’re looking for a relationship, then you don’t need to be a ‘bad boy’ and even if you are, what’s the point in saying it to a complete stranger? You aren’t going to find any girl worthy of your time if you keep talking like that.” I deleted him before he could delete me, but pretty sure I pissed him off when he said “Whatever, I get plenty on my own.” Congratufreakinlations dude!!!
Dude Man #4: I can actually appreciate this dude. He lives in Denver, but travels back and forth to Richmond. What allows him to travel back and forth so much: He grows his own marijuan and apparently it’s some of the best in Colorado and has cured his dog of cancer with it. He claims he’s had a lot of job offers and could make millions, but he’s not ready to take that step and work for someone. He enjoys his lax lifestyle out there for now and flexibility to do what he wants! He asked if I smoked and I told him I don’t. However, he still wants to take me out to a nice steak dinner and I’m torn if I go or not. I made it very clear upon first communication that I am not looking for someone like Dude Man #1 or Dude Man #3 and to be honest, I think he appreciated those stories. We are obviously very different, but a nice steak dinner is hard to say “no” to, so I may just join him. After all, he’s the one who suggested it…..
I would venture to say the ratio of dudes that get a swipe right (meaning I’m interested) is probably 1 in 28, and with the few I do swipe on, this is what I’m getting. Is it me? Do I need to start clicking on the guys who tell me their job is “Grill Cook at Waffle House” or the guys with cat whiskers on his face saying his job is “being awesome at Advance Auto Parts.” Regardless, it’s awful out there, but makes for some great stories!!!
I am told that these are the best posts, so I’ll keep my account open for the laughter, but really hiding the pain inside 😉